Preparing for surgery

Doing all the "things" to get ready for surgery.

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Last time I had open heart surgery things moved very quickly. I got the call from my cardiologist saying my test results showed that my aorta had grown in size enough that it needed surgical intervention, my rheumatologist connected me with a cardiovascular surgeon, and I started everything needed for pre-op clearance. It was almost my son's second birthday, so I asked if surgery could occur after we had his birthday party. Everything happened so fast, there wasn't a lot of time to dwell on the minute details of things.

NOT.THIS.TIME. I have an undefined amount of time to prepare for open-heart surgery. I have the required angiogram and carotid artery doppler tests scheduled. My dentist has already provided dental clearance. I purchased a second-hand high back chair that should be easier to get out of than my current "favorite" chair. I also bought a motorized adjustable bed frame that raises the head and foot portions of our existing bed. I am shopping for button down shirts, pajamas and dry shampoo. These are the things I can control.

Then there are the things I have no control over as I prepare and wait. For instance, tapering my steroids. There is a plan in place, but it all depends on how well my body handles the taper. I am frustrated with how very little I can do physically right now. I tire easily, get dizzy/almost pass out when I get up from sitting, and can barely climb 7 stairs in our split level house. Taking a shower and getting dressed requires a huge effort and wears me out. I am not able to work and do not feel comfortable driving. Basically, my quality of life is drastically impacted. And sometimes that makes me mad. And sometimes that really sucks. Or I feel sad. Or frustrated. Or angry. Or sometimes I acquiesce and enjoy the rest and quiet.

The reality is I have plenty I could "do". I have a puzzle, a Lego set to build (mini-Disney castle), coloring books, puzzle books, books to read, crafts to make, notes to write, etc., etc. But I have FOMO (Fear of Missing Out). I am missing the things I cannot currently do - clearance shopping at Aldi and Kohl's, going out with friends, working my lunch shift at the local nacho shop, driving, taking myself to Dr. appts, going through the McDonald's drive-thru for a diet coke, or even going up a whole flight of stairs.

I usually choose joy and humor as I deal with things. But I do have pity parties for myself, cry occasionally, and get mad about it all. And the more time I have to wait for surgery, the more time I have to FEEL and THINK. This will be open-heart surgery #2 for me. Which means I know what surgery and recovery entails. Last time I was blissfully ignorant. This time I know what is coming and that is both good and bad. Good in that I can be prepared, and bad in that I know the pain and perseverance recovery will require. And sometimes that makes me anxious and scared.

Each day is one day closer to surgery, whenever that may be. And I will try to choose joy and

enjoy the down time as I prepare for surgery.